your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Everclear isn't food dammit
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
