Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
