and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
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