I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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