You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
