in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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