apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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