she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
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