Me too!
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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