I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
