Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize