just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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