I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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