There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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