Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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