I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
