Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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