There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
