I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
