I think I just saw someone hide a body.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
