party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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