Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
