You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Randomize
