After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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