I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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