I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
