She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize