lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
My room smells like vodka and shame
grandma shit on top of the toilet
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
The uberlube is also flammable
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
