she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
