there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
