Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
