I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
