felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize