I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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