How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
