I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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