about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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