I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
