I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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