Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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