And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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