garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
