I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
