Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
