dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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