it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
