is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
