DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
porn star boner night. come get it.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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