I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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