I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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