standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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