this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Who died my cat blue again?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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