It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
