While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
