there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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