It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
