in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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