Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
