Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
