After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
