The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
