Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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