I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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