God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
