I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I could fuck to npr.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
