after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
