Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
