we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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