He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize