Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
