y did u give ur computer a hand job?
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
