i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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