I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
