soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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