What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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