Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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